In Those Genes
One year ago I had a hysterectomy to cure Adenomyosis (endometrial tissue growing into the muscular wall of the uterus) and excision surgery to remove Endometriosis (the presence of endometrium growing outside the uterus). The procedure was the culmination of over two years of pain and confusion. Years of doctors giving me test after test, but then ultimately throwing in the towel saying they couldn’t do anything. I finally found Dr. Matthew Seidhoff, a doctor that could help me and did not give up. Now I feel good in my body again. A huge part of this is because of my dear friend and incredible stylist, Tara Aquilina. Clothes? Clothes couldn’t possibly make a difference. Oh but they can. We had a conversation recently about this journey.
Beth: I do think it's good we're talking about this.
Tara: Yes. I think it's really important because I don't think you're the only person in the world who has felt this. I know I went through something similar.
Beth: I hit a breaking point earlier this year. After a couple years of feeling this pelvic pain, trying to figure out what was going on, a swollen belly from surgeries, and just getting older in general. Having a moment at a concert and realizing, oh I’m not the young generation anymore…
Tara: I think coming out of the pandemic we realize that even more. We went in still seemingly young and cool And then we came out and the new generation took over.
Beth: Yeah. When did that happen?
We laugh. We sigh.
Beth: And then I had the hysterectomy last December. And I realized my insecurities had gone beyond what I had felt before. My body was different and felt different. And I texted you. I literally said: Help me. Can you just tell me what to wear so I don’t feel like a piece of crap anymore?
Tara: Yes! I said, Let's dive into this because you need to feel good. Then you cried and then I cried. We cried. I had experienced this myself too. I knew that pain firsthand. And it's hard to see your friend, you, go through that. If I could help, I wanted to help.
Beth: It's not just pain. I can handle pain. It's the mental aspect to it. There’s this feeling that this is taking away my femininity.
Tara: Hundred percent. I got that and I think that's why this was really important for both of us. It was so great to see your transformation.
Beth: I didn't think I'd get there. Clothes may seem like a superficial thing. But I knew I had to start there. I love feeling good in clothes. And when all of a sudden I can't…
Tara: It sucks. That goes for everybody. No matter where people are in their life. This is why I love my job. I always want my clients to feel their best. And that was so rewarding seeing you finally dance around in your cute little clothes, feeling good again.
Beth: What was your approach to helping me?
Tara: My approach was rooted in just wanting my friend to feel confident again. And I knew we needed to take baby steps, in the sense of just try it. Let’s just start with comfortable cozy clothes that you feel cute in. Fabrics that feel good on your skin. It was really about how it sits on your skin and feeling comfortable enough to move without pain. We started with a lot of loungewear sets, some muumuu situations. Highlighting the things that made you feel confident about your body. For you the post surgery belly was a big focal point that you were feeling insecure about so creating looks flattering to your figure now (not before all this) where you weren’t hyper focused on the belly. And that applies to anyone. I say, you can look and feel beautiful NOW.
Beth: That was for sure an ah ha moment I had with you. “You are beautiful now.”
Tara: That mindset for you is a huge shift! We can be so hard on ourselves. So feeling beautiful now is the starting place. The biggest hurdle was jeans, your fear of putting them on and feeling the pain
Beth: Honestly, Tara, I did not think I was going to wear jeans again. I was angry. I used to be such a jeans girl and pain took away from me. It‘s silly but it made me mad. It’s a loss of control.
Tara: It’s not silly. At all. Clothes, for a lot of people, are a part of their identity. For you they are, my goth queen. We started in those jeans From H&M that were super loose and comfortable. Soft. How did it feel receiving those jeans?
Beth: I remember the moment I put them on and you were on Facetime. We both teared up.
Tara: And then we went crazy. We started with the basics, clothes that you're going to wear around the house. Clothes that made you feel good going to the grocery store. Bring in color. Bring in something fun and accessorize with jewelry and bags , shoes, make–up. It was a full makeover.
Beth: Yes, you did make me buy stuff that was not black. I’m open to that now! (sometimes)
Tara: We need balance. Coming from New York, I lived in black. But we did the little pop of color for you here and there. And some sparkles.
Beth: We talked about what would look good on me now. I had so much stretchy knit in my wardrobe which didn’t feel good anymore. Post hysterectomy you have “swelly belly” as they call it and stretchy clothes just accentuated it. You made me realize that it's okay to let that go and try something new.
Tara: Clothes don't have to be tight to be sexy.
Beth: Amen! My body changed. When your body changes it feels like something is wrong. But nothing is wrong.
Tara: You have to embrace where you're at. In my business you have to know what’s flattering for every body type. I’m not the person that says, wear this because it's a name brand. Given my deeper connection with my clients, I really feel I have a responsibility to help each individual feel good about themselves and their bodies. I do understand that this is a very intimate journey. Everybody has their insecurities.
Beth: When we started working together when I was four months post hysterectomy. I was still healing. After we found the comfort clothes we had fun just exploring.
Suit and shoes from Zara
Tara: You looked amazing! It stopped being about pain. That was really one session. Then we turned to going out outfits, business attire, date night, little travel getaways. You had all sorts of stuff going on all of a sudden which you wanted to attend now because you felt good. We found you new ways to feel sexy. Playing on masculine feminine like a fashion forward suit. I knew you could also rock high-waisted pants and a crop top and we could accessorize the shit out of that and you’d feel super confident.
Beth: Thank the Lord for the high waist right now.
Tara: They can't take that away from us. Don't even try.
Beth: And then the full circle moment happened. Our journey naturally ramped up to this. We’re having all this fun figuring out going out outfits. And then I invited to the Los Angeles premiere of the “Below the Belt” documentary. A film by Shannon Cohen also produced by Rosario Dawson, Mae Whitman, Corinne Foxx, Hillary Rodham Clinton and Jenneh Rishe RN shedding a light on endometriosis and medical bias. You got to style me for like a movie premiere! A year ago I’m not sure I would have gone.
Tara: You said yes. You accomplished so much in such a short time. You did the work and you trusted me. I had a responsibility here, not only as a friend, but as a professional to step up. There was something really profound and humbling that you came to me in one of your darkest times. New clothes, for me, always make me feel happy and I wanted to bring that to you.
Beth: We worked together for seven months.
Tara: We ended up having so much fun. You weren't afraid of jeans anymore! And this is a very key point to note that we got you into tight fitting jeans.
Beth: Yes! We moved from the loose to tight fitting and actually being comfortable.
Tara: There's nothing that is hopeless! I found a fabric that was soft. And I learned things along the way as I was doing my research. I wanted to make sure that I was gentle and that I wasn't sending you things that you would put on and feel uncomfortable in. That was really important.
Beth: You took that seriously which I appreciate.
Tara: Absolutely. Cut and fabric can make or break a look. And because I put together outfits flattering to your body type that also felt good on your skin, you started to see all the beauty about your body and that’s really cool to see. Confidence wise, do you think from the start to now there's a total shift?
Beth: Completely. I feel so much better. I knew I needed that shift. I knew you'd be the fashion angel to help me.
Tara: I'm speechless because you don't always know how you can affect someone or how much of a difference you made.
Beth: It’s why I came to you. I know you are like this with your clients. You have to connect.
Tara: Having been doing this for 12 years, my through line with everyone is: I want to bring out the essence of you. I want to make you shine when you walk into a room. You're gonna feel different at the end of this. Period. You're the star and that's it. I was very honored to be part of your journey.
Beth: Earlier this year I was lost. You were right. I had to embrace where I was now. Not where where I was 10 years ago.
Tara: It’s all part of being present. Saying yes to things sometimes even when you're feeling bad. You have to do the things that are scary so you can move through it. You can still have a productive life regardless of those hard days. You gain momentum and start to feel better. But sometimes it's like, Fuck, I'm just gonna put on whatever and lay here.
Beth: Yes, that’s what I was doing. And now I’m at a place where I love when getting ready for date night. I’m getting ready and I’ll think, Oh I love this AND my boyfriend is going to love this. I ask myself, Would Tara like this outfit? Yep. Okay, good.
Tara: Amazing. My work here is done. <Mic drop>
Beth: And Tara's available to make your life change too.
Tara: I am! So hit me up. I’m ready to purge your closet. Take that leap!
Beth: I promise it’s not scary. Well you have a little bit of that New York edge. But I love that about you.
Tara: I'll never lie to you.
And then we gushed I love yous for a while.
The article is an edited transcription from a long hour conversation.
